What it means to you doesn't mean it is what they meant it to mean to you

Sometimes we take what someone says or does to mean something that isn't what it meant at all. If you can communicate how you felt by it they can explain what they meant by it. Unfortunately you can be so angered by what you thought they said that you don't bother to know the true meaning of what they said. If you always expect them to say something negative to you then all you listen for is a negative twist to whatever they say. If negative is what you look for then that is what you are looking for and that is all you will find. There are many ways to look at things and depending on how you look at it will determine what you see and hear. In any relationship you need to communicate to have a good relationship. You won't always see eye to eye but listening to each other is necessary to meet in the middle. We can see things differently yet still through understanding how each other feels about what they saw, resolve our differences. Always being in defense mode can make you always feel like you have to defend yourself, even when you don't. It is impossible to communicate with someone who is always in a defense mode just waiting to attack you in defense of themselves. Relax and enjoy the conversation for what it is. You need to guard yourself at all times without being ready to attack at all times. They say words can't hurt you but that is not true. It is also true that someone's words that hurt you was not words they actually said but that you implying that is what their words meant. Give them a chance to defend what you heard before you attack them for words they didn't really mean when they said them to you.