It's not only what you say that matters, how you say it also determines what they hear

If your tone of voice says your disappointed then they can't hear the compliment you said in your words. If your tone makes them go into "Defense Mode" their ears close. It's seven percent what you say and ninety three percent how you say it. Your words might be what they need to hear but if they can't hear you they won't be able to help them. If you are grouchy it is best that you save your encouraging words until you can say them in a encouraging way. I looked into the mirror and said the same message with different tones in my voice like happy, glad, proud, frustrated, disappointed, disgusted, and angry. I saw my face go through all kinds of distorted ways as I tried to show each of those emotions. And let me tell you what, if you try looking in the mirror you would see just how ugly and scary you can look when you say it in every negative tone. When you say it with a happy tone, everyone is happy. When you say it in a proud tone , they feel how proud you are of them. So remember that it is seven percent what you say and ninety three percent how you say it.