Wednesday, February 19, 2020

You may have heard it but that doesn't mean you heard anything

If you don't listen, you won't hear it and neither will they. It may seem like a little thing but when you see the "Big Picture" you can see just how big it really is. Sometimes if you just listen to them describing the "Big Picture" they can see it for the first time themselves. By someone just giving them a chance to try to explain their complex situation, it allows them to see for themselves the "Big Picture." When they see it they will be able to know exactly what they need to do. A therapist you pay to listen. They know that by letting you talk about it, you will be able to figure things out on your own. Unfortunately those around you that you would be able to talk with to help, seem to always be to busy to listen long enough for you to be able to see the "Big Picture." It is certainly not something you could do in a text or an email. With all the technology these days, we rarely take the time to relate to each other on a human level. We can become so distracted that we don't notice what others are truly going through. Without staying in touch with your human side you become lost in cyberspace. You don't have to solve it for them just take the time to let them see the "Big Picture", so they can see how to solve it themselves.

Monday, February 17, 2020

Without an imagination you won't be able to imagine the possibilities

Being creative will help you create the best outcome for yourself. You can't always see it right away, but with a little imagination and creativity you can make lemonade out of lemons. If you can imagine it, then you know it is possible. Without an imagination you won't be able to imagine what is actually possible. Could you imagine what is possible if you got creative? To make the best out of a bad situation you have to remember that it is all in how you look at the situation. The outcome is not determined by the situation you are in but on how you react to the situation you are in. With a little imagination and creativity you can have a positive outcome. If you can't imagine it then it won't be possible because you won't see the possibilities. You will find what you are looking for but only if you look for it will you be able to find it.


Friday, February 14, 2020

Don't waste it, make the most out of it

It's income tax time again. In the creative writing class I took many years ago, we were given the assignment to make up a new word and it's meaning. Because it was income tax time, my word was "scervous." It's meaning was being scared and nervous about how much I would owe. Now if you are lucky enough to get a refund, then for you, income tax time would be exciting and something you looked forward to. For some people who live payday to payday, it's the only time they get a chance to have any cash that you don't owe out before you get it. Don't waste it, use it wisely. It's tempting to go shopping and just blow it. Make the most of it by spending it wisely. You might enjoy some new clothes or a new electronic gadget, but if you have been worried about needing tires for your car, then you should use the money on new tires. Going to all of your favorite restraunts that you can't afford while you are living paycheck to paycheck, sounds good. But it is better to plan on one special dinner out, then use the rest of the money to fill your pantry and stock up on household supplies. That way you will have a little extra money as you live paycheck to paycheck for weeks, not use the money on a meal that only satisfies you for a few hours before it's time for your next meal. Instant gratification only lasts for an instant. It is best to choose what you want to spend your money on then the moment you get your refund check, stick to your decision and do it right away. Because if you hold on to it waiting to decide, it will get wasted little by little until it is gone. You should definitely splurge on something for yourself but don't make a gluten out of yourself.

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Hang on tight and you will be alright

There are millions of people but your circle of life is made up of only a handful of people. And you have to hold on tight to keep the circle together. When the circle is broken from a death, you have to grab your "Duct Tape" to keep the circle together. Unfortunately, as well as births there will be deaths, they are both a part of the circle of life. I have seen a death in families that causes the family circle to be broken forever. I have seen family reunions that everyone had gathered at for decades, stop when just one person died out of one family, out of the group of families that had always gone to the family reunions. That should have made everyone else look forward to the next family reunion that much more because you never know if you will see them again. If your family doesn't have family reunions, I suggest you start that tradition.

Monday, February 10, 2020

You can peacefully agree to disagree

Just because your opinion is different than their opinion, doesn't mean you should get angry or violent towards them. You may not agree with them but they have a right to have their own opinion. If you want the right to have your opinion you will have to respect other people's opinions. You can agree to disagree. Unfortunately some people get angry if you voice your opinion if it is different from theirs. Especially politics and religion. Some of my dearest friends and family members have a different opinions on politics and religion. Therefore, we don't talk about them with each other. There are times when the subjects get brought up and immediately the tone of the conversation gets tense. When it happens one of us says let's change the subject. We know that nothing we say to each other will change the other ones opinion but we know trying to would only damage our relationship. There is plenty to talk to each other about that has nothing to do with politics or religion. For the sake of our friendship, we just agree to disagree. If you find yourself starting to get tense when someone tells you their opinion, stop, exhale, and bring up a different subject to talk about. To keep peace you both just agree to disagree. It's that simple. Because it could take one simple argument over something you both know you have totally opposite opinions about to end a relationship that is not nor never has been what your friendship was formed on. You are who you are and they are who they are, and that is why you agree to disagree.

Friday, February 7, 2020

A helping hand VS a hand out

It feels good to lend a helping hand to someone. Sometimes that is all they need to stand on their own again. Getting just a little behind when you are barely making it can be all it takes to knock you down. Even just needing a part for your car that you can't afford can be devastating because you need your car to get to work. It can be a stressful situation that you couldn't avoid. If you could would you give them a helping hand and buy the part they need? The only thing is do they really need a helping hand or are they playing on your emotions to get a free hand out? If you don't know them well enough to know then it's hard to reach out and help them. I have met several people who always say they desperately need help yet they really just want to emotionally play with your kind-heartedness to get anything for free. We were about to give someone an old car we had after hearing them repeatedly say how desperately they needed one. Then we found out that someone else had already given them a car. How on Earth could they say they needed a car then? When we confronted them about knowing they already had one, they just chuckled. They showed no guilt. They felt no shame, they just chuckled. Needless to say we didn't give them the car. Unfortunately it has affected us in a negative way. Our kind-heartedness has grown a little colder. We learned we can't just act on our emotions because we realized we can be fooled. You know the saying fool me once shame on them, getting fooled twice shame on you, it just makes us the fools. You have to know if someone just needs a helping hand or are just looking for hand-outs. Those that don't ask for your help yet you see they are struggling, those are the only ones that you should give a helping hand to. Because unfortunately some people get whatever they can simply because they get away with it. I have seen news stories about pan handlers that admit they make more tax free money begging then they made working. I have seen them walk from the street corner where they stood with their sign, over to the parking lot across the street and get into a nice car and drive away. After that I only give to the firemen who collect twice a year at our intersection of town and the Bell ringers in front of the stores at Christmas time. And of course the monthly gift we give to St. Jude's for decades now that we know use every penny they get on treatments and research in hopes of finding a cute for cancer. So before you reach out a helping hand make sure your help is needed. Because giving someone a handout just makes them continue taking advantage of people's kind-heartedness. Be kind but don't be foolish.


Wednesday, February 5, 2020

There will be set backs but...

Accepting that there will be setbacks at times in your life, will help you not let them hold you back. If you think everything will always be smooth sailing for you during your life's journey, you won't be prepared when you hit rough times. Knowing that there will be tough times, can help you get through the tough times. You got to be able to JUST FLUSH IT so you can move on. Remind yourself of the things that you are good at and use those "tools" to get you back on track. The outcome is not what happens in life as much as it is about how you react to what happens to you. So if something angers you don't react until you have time to think about what your reactions would bring. Your first thought to a negative situation is so negative that the outcome will be negative. You will still be angry about it, but as long as you stop and think about it, you won't be angry at yourself for making things worse by how you reacted. Relying on your strengths will be the key to turning the situation around to get a positive outcome.



Monday, February 3, 2020

Did you notice that?

Even in a crowded area it is possible that no one noticed. We have trained ourselves to ignore everything. Some call it minding your own business. Some say they were too busy to notice. Others say it is too dangerous to get involved. And sadly enough, some say it's because they don't care what is happening to anyone else. When I was growing up, the neighbors would watch out for each other. And you feared that they would tell your parents if you misbehaved, nowadays neighbors fear retaliation if they tell on kids. When I told my neighbors son to go tell his parents what I just saw him doing, his response was his parents didn't care. I had known his parents and their children for a long time and I asked him out of respect for me please go tell your parents. He said yes mam. In less than a minute he was back outside. He said I told them what you said and just like I thought they said they didn't care. I thanked him for at least showing me respect and going in to tell them. Years later when he was grown up, when we were talking he brought up the memory of that day. He said he had always respected me for that. I was so happy that he remembered everything about that afternoon that was so long ago. He said he realized then that I was an old fashioned parent. I had never forgotten the incident but I assumed just like his parents that he would have forgotten it. Your brief encounter can make an impression, even though you don't think so. Perhaps as a parent one day he will care to hear from his neighbors if his children are misbehaving. Then he could nip it in the bud before it leads to commonly misbehaving when they are older..it's much easier to stop a three year old from unacceptable behavior. If you wait until they are teenagers and out of control, it will be too late. Teach them from an early age. My best advice to young parents is to remember they have to love their children enough to let them hate them when they have to call them out on their bad behavior.

Friday, January 31, 2020

Was it taught or untaught?

Everyone is born with honesty and a conscience. A young child says whatever pops in their mind. They sometimes let your secrets out because they had no idea that it was something that was a secret.  Most of the time it isn't a big deal if anyone else knows, but you would have rather that no one else knew. When I was young the  family would all gather to watch the old show called " Kids say the darndest things." It wasn't very funny necessarily for kids but it sure made the adults laugh uncontrollably. Now that I am "old" I see the show from a whole different point of view. And I laugh uncontrollably and say OMG a lot. If you are a parent to young children it makes you wander what might fly out of their mouths at any given time. I know when my children were young they blurted out things that not only did I wish they hadn't, but I didn't even know they had heard or seen. Children of all ages appear to be too busy to notice yet somehow they can describe to a tee, everything that was going on all around them.  Unfortunately the pictures they describe are full of some details that you would rather that no one else knew. Knowing that children are born with a conscience to guide them, you have to wander how is it possible that they can be so cruel to each other. Just how did they suddenly become a school bully. How can they be allowed to bully other children? You by law have to send your kids to school yet there doesn't seem to be a law that the teachers can't ignore it when they see someone being bullied. If you ignore it then it becomes acceptable behavior. And if you accept it then it will be a common occurrence. That means your teaching our children that it is okay to be a bully and it's okay that they are the victim of the bullying. It's time we start focusing on just what's going on in our schools these days. We need to remember every home is a class room and every parent is a teacher. What we teach our kids are learned behaviors. It takes a village to raise a child because every single interaction they have determines who they become as adults that make up our neighborhoods. We all can teach the children so that they can help clean up the mess in society that took many generations to create. If all the generations can come together we can fix it in "OUR" generation. Teach HUMANITY to replace the INSANITY we see in society these days. World peace is possible but it will happen one person at a time having "peace of mind."

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Wanting the opposite

People with straight hair want curly hair. People with natural curly hair want straight hair. My son has curly hair and I bought him the new hair straighting brush off Amazon. It really worked. Within a few minutes his hair was straight. But he was unrecognizable to me and everyone else. Luckily he felt strange and decided he was more comfortable with his natural curly hair. You may think you want something else but then you realize you are  comfortable with what you got. People think the grass is greener on the other side but when they look closer they can see the sand Spurs all throughout that green lawn. Then they are thankful that even though their lawn isn't as green, they can  comfortably walk without shoes. Looks can be deceiving. If you are comfortable, then enjoy what you got. You may not have everything you ever wanted but you have everything that you need to be comfortable. You may not miss it until it is gone but when it's gone, you may not be able to get it back. If it works then don't throw it away.

Monday, January 27, 2020

If only for a moment

A moment can happen in the blink of an eye. Yet every moment has a chance to change things in an instant. An opportunity may come come knocking at your door, but if you don't open the door and grab the opportunity, you wasted any opportunity you may have had. You may only have a handful of big moments throughout your lifetime. But there are an endless amount of "little special moments" you have a chance to enjoy. Every moment has a chance to be a memory you can cherrish forever. Only thing is, you have to slow down to have a moment you can enjoy. One less you tube video, one less email, one less game on our devices, one less moment of reading our social media, will give.us the time we need to spend with the humans around us, so we can have memories we can cherrish. The cyberspace technology has made human connection a rare occurrence. It is a shame when the closest thing to a hug most people get is a poke, a text, or an email.

Friday, January 24, 2020

If you could see it from the outside...

Someone looking at it from the outside, may not necessarily see what you can from the inside. Obviously only you know everything about what you are dealing with, it's your life. You are affected not only by what they see but by everything you have had to live throughout your entire lifetime. With that being said, listening to what they see looking at it from the outside, can't hurt and who knows it may be helpful to you. Since you alone have to live with the consequences of your decisions then of course you alone should make those decisions. But in order to be sure you are making the right decision, you need to look at the situation from every view possible before you make a decision. What they see may not affect your decision at all. But just in case they see something you couldn't, it might just be important to know before you make a decision. Keep an open mind as you listen, just in case you hear something important.

Thursday, January 23, 2020

Ooops, I did it again

I can't believe I missed posting a blog post yesterday. In ten years I had only missed my regularly Monday, Wednesday and Friday blogging schedule three or four times. Now in less than thirty days, I have missed three blog days. For those of you who have stopped by to read them on those days, I apologise. I was dealing with a cold that kept returning. I would take cold medicine then think I was just going to lay down for a nap. Unfortunately some naps lead to not waking up until early the next morning. The flu season is here. Don't forget to get your flu shot. I was reminded to get mine after being sick the first week of this thirty day period, a little too late. Hopefully now after two more weeks, the flu shot can effectively protect me from catching the flu again.

Monday, January 20, 2020

Keep it simple if you can

Sometimes you can be so overwhelmed that you are exhausted before you get started. You need to look at whatever it is as a job that needs to be done one step at a time. Split up the task into three steps so you don't feel so overwhelmed. Being able to see it as simply doing step one, then step two and then you simply move on to step three, allows you to believe that it is as easy as one, two, three. The more simple you keep things the more simplified the task will be to do. When you believe that it is too difficult for you to do, the less likely you are to do it. Remember Rome wasn't built in a day, but it got built. Not everything you need to do can be done in one step. But as long as you keep doing each step, you will get it done. Don't let your thoughts wear you out before you even get started.

Friday, January 17, 2020

It may seem like a small thing but it can make a big difference

Have you ever had a nagging feeling like you were forgetting something really important? You start going over everything you know you need as you run around getting them done. But still you have a feeling there is something you are forgetting. You keep thinking realizing other things that were not on the top of your list of things to do, so you go ahead and get them done too. You spend the day getting your list done plus the extra stuff you thought of, by now it is late and you are exhausted. Just as you get settled in, you remember what you needed to do that was so important. Unfortunately the business you were supposed to go to is now closed. The worst part is I had meant to do it earlier in the week but I kept forgetting all about it each day. Now it is Friday and Monday is a holiday so I can't do it now until Tuesday. It was a small errand so not a big deal but forgetting it three days in a row made it a big deal on many personal levels. I just had my son text me a message so Tuesday if I forget, I can read my text. I even set an alarm for two different times on Tuesday to remind me. Now I got to get over my disappointment in forgetting and JUST FLUSH IT out of my mind so I can enjoy the three day weekend being satisfied with all the other things I did get done.

Wednesday, January 15, 2020

It will make your journey harder if you carry the past along on your journey

Look at your negative experiences from your past as sandbags. Could you imagine choosing to carry sandbags? If you can't learn what you need to from it and then JUST FLUSH IT out of your mind, then you are choosing to carry that sandbag. Your life's journey will be hard enough without carrying heavy sandbags on your journey. Obviously if it is weighing heavy on your mind you have to JUST FLUSH it out of your mind to lighten your load. If you don't then you are choosing to carry that sandbag with you. Accepting what someone else did or accepting something you yourself did, is the first step to healing from it. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. You will never forget but accepting things you can not change will help you move on. And leaving those sandbags in your past will make your life's journey easier to enjoy. You can't always chose what happened in your past but you do get to choose how many sandbags you want to carry.

Monday, January 13, 2020

What it means to you doesn't mean it is what they meant it to mean to you

Sometimes we take what someone says or does to mean something that isn't what it meant at all. If you can communicate how you felt by it they can explain what they meant by it. Unfortunately you can be so angered by what you thought they said that you don't bother to know the true meaning of what they said. If you always expect them to say something negative to you then all you listen for is a negative twist to whatever they say. If negative is what you look for then that is what you are looking for and that is all you will find. There are many ways to look at things and depending on how you look at it will determine what you see and hear. In any relationship you need to communicate to have a good relationship. You won't always see eye to eye but listening to each other is necessary to meet in the middle. We can see things differently yet still through understanding how each other feels about what they saw, resolve our differences. Always being in defense mode can make you always feel like you have to defend yourself, even when you don't. It is impossible to communicate with someone who is always in a defense mode just waiting to attack you in defense of themselves. Relax and enjoy the conversation for what it is. You need to guard yourself at all times without being ready to attack at all times. They say words can't hurt you but that is not true. It is also true that someone's words that hurt you was not words they actually said but that you implying that is what their words meant. Give them a chance to defend what you heard before you attack them for words they didn't really mean when they said them to you.

Wednesday, January 8, 2020

What you pass on will spread, but what are you passing on?

It's true, you reap what you sow. But it is also true that what you sow can effect others in society. When you plant a garden you don't want to plant weeds at the same time. Because if you did, the weeds would spread and prevent your vegetables from growing.  The same is true in life situations. If you want a positive outcome then don't go into it with a negative attitude. You will reap what you sow. A negative situation may be challenging but with the right attitude it can have a positive outcome. It's all in how you look at it. Anyone can make a mountain out of a mole hill if they keep adding dirt. You can easily go around or over a mole hill. But you may not be able to climb a mountain. When life drops a boulder in your path, just go around it. Don't just stand there and waste time and energy on trying to remove it, just go around it. On your life's journey if you reach a dead end, just turn around and go back and choose a different direction. The roller coaster called Life is full of ups and downs as well as twists and turns, that's just Life. And sometimes in life you got to look hard to find a positive response to a negative situation so that you can have a chance for a positive outcome. It is not what happens to you that determines the outcome, but it is how you react to what happens to you that will determine the outcome.

Monday, January 6, 2020

Taking the time to do it right will save you time

Reading the instructions can take a lot of time but it will make the time it will take to get it put together easier. Knowing what to do is half the battle. Whether it is how to put something together or how to get where you want to be, knowing what to do makes doing it easier. Knowing all the facts about anything is necessary to make the right decisions in Life. Otherwise you are simply making an uneducated guess. Some decisions you will have to make throughout your life are too important to just simply guess. We all have a built in warning system. So if you feel uneasy deep down inside, don't assume it is gas. If it is an important decision then you know it is important to get all the facts before you make your decision. Because once you act on it you have to live with the consequences. Deciding what you should do is a lot easier then deciding how to fix the problem created by guessing. I am bringing this up because I did what looked like the right thing to do, but it turned out to be the opposite of what I should have done. Unfortunately my built in warning system didn't go off. If it looks good to be true then it probably isn't true. And looking into someone's eyes to see if their telling the truth doesn't work. In the good old days people would say a person is only as good as his word and a handshake meant they would do what they said they would. Today people say....you can't believe a word anyone says and a handshake has nothing to do with anything. Sometimes a short cut will only leave you to a dead end. Honesty is the best policy. Unfortunately not everyone is an honest person so be honest with yourself that you can't believe it until you see it.

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

Some things you do for yourself

If someone you know needs help, you help. If it is something that you you know needs done, you make sure it gets done. Don't forget how important it is to take the time to occasionally do something for yourself, just cause you should. We all have busy schedules and lots of responsibilities. But to enjoy life while you are living you have to squeeze in some time every now and then, to do what you enjoy. That's not being selfish, it is necessary. In order to be able to take care of everything else and everyone else, you have to first take care of yourself, so that you can. Happy New year everyone. Make 2020 the best it can be and take care of yourself so you can be the best you can be.